28.5.13

“You want to travel with them. You want to see what they’re like going through airport security, on planes, in strange countries. You want to meet their families and charm them to pieces. You want to nestle into their childhood beds and look around in the dark at all their old posters. You want to see all the embarrassing photos of them with braces and socks pulled up mid-calf. You want to hear all the stories about their drunken nights under the bleachers and their best friend’s jokes. You want to read all their journals, see how they took notes in high school. Did they use pen or pencil? What color highlighter? You want to work with them, just to see them work. You want to go out with them. You want to make out with them in the bathroom. You always want to touch them; you want them to always want to touch you.
You find reasons to disentangle yourself from them; it’s only going to hurt later, you can tell already. You stay up way past your bedtime for them. You look at the clock and know their schedule. You neglect other people and other things, and beat yourself up about it. But it’s like they have a hold of your hands and your voice, and you don’t mind. It’s like you’re trapped in an hourglass; you know your lungs might fill with sand, but there’s something sensual and comforting about the grains sliding down glass walls and pooling around your ankles, your knees, your waist.
You like things about their appearance that the rest of the world may cringe at and call strange, less than perfect. Their broken, reshaped noses; their little teeth or the gaps in between them; the way they pull their hair; their narrow hips; their wide shoulders; the depth of their pores. You can laugh when funny things happen in bed. You usually want to be in bed with them.
You think they’re smarter, better, friendlier, fitter, happier, more productive than you are. You strive to be as much as they are, as good as they are. You try to cheat and figure out what it is they’re going to teach you, if they’re going to fall from grace, if you’re going to play a part for them that you never thought you’d play before. You try and pull patterns and threads of meaning from the conversation or the way they looked at you the first time you met; what they did, what they offered. An apple stolen from the bar. Notes from a guitar. Pitchers of free beer. Pieces of bark with writing on them.
You cherish snippets of them; paste them up in your memories like old faded scrapbooks clutched to chests for generations. Their skin glows black and white in your head. They star in the little short films of your life that sneak up on you when you’re not looking. Like the walk to the South End for dinner on a quiet corner. The feel of the sun beating down on you both at an outdoor concert. The way they ordered wine on your first date. The slow swing of a hammock near a lake. The back seat of their car.
You can see yourself with them in the future you can’t quite see. You build apartments outfitted with all the right kitchen supplies and the perfect bed with two nightstands, each piled with books and magazines. You wait for them patiently while they chase their dreams; they wait for you patiently as you chase yours. You sit in bed eating dinner late at night, drinking tea and wine and whiskey as you tell each other all about the chasing. You create adopted dogs and cats; you have awkward conversations about money; you put up with each other’s crap. You see what they look like standing at the end of a candle-lit aisle in your grassy front yard and wonder if you’ll make it to the other end to meet them or if they’ll just end up in the scrapbook clutched to your chest or flickering on the screen in your brain.”
 —How You Know - Talia Ralph (via lxxxv

24.5.13

A Letter to Sweetheart

I'm shattered and broken... empty and hollow in every possible way you can think of... I feel like I lost my meaning and sense of morality.. Excruciating pain, more than I can take, my body won't stop trembling, and my veins boil with sadness. I can't breathe and I'm fighting all of my instincts to not hurt. I'm trying to think beautiful and happy, but it's nearly impossible. What is a purpose if everything you've ever believed in is taken from you? 
     I'll never forget last night. The way you looked, the way you moved, how your lips pressed against my temple and moved their way to my lips, the way your arms felt wrapped around me so secure and promising. I didn't want to leave you, that last hug meant the world to me... You always had a way to make me smile, you always looked at the positive side of things. I'll keep you in my heart forever, and although you will not be with me physically, I'll take you with me wherever I may go, I'll think of you and I'll stick the labels of new movies in random places of the house.. Just know I love you sweetheart, maybe right now isn't our time, maybe it'll be in a few years, or maybe it just wasn't meant to be, regardless, I don't regret anything that happened between us, we shared a love that we'll carry with us for the rest of our lives, we lived, you and I. We're going to be great people who do great things. Remember that what matters most is our self-happiness, without it, our worlds will fall apart and those that we love will be affected by it. Be you, be lovely, be free, be happy. We came into this world on our own and we're leaving it just the same, have adventures and make memories because in the end that's all you'll take with you, the destination isn't what matters most, it's what you do to get there that counts. I wonder if you'll ever read this... right now we're taking the time to find ourselves again... we may not speak, it's agonizing pain to live without you, but eventually, sometime in the future, we'll talk again, and I'll smile at you and remember our life together... this isn't goodbye, just a "see you later". Till we meet again love...

I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
” —Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers

20.5.12

I am...


..::Nancy_Love::..
image

A little bit of me falls in love with almost every person I meet. 
I like being read to and having someone to color on Denny’s napkins with me from time to time at 3am. I’m a complete mess most of the time, but I promise I’m a lovely person.
I’m constantly worried about how I’m going to pay bills every month yet I spend all my cash on parking meters and strawberries. I cry way too often and apologize when someone bumps into me. I laugh way too hard when someone has the hiccups and smile when I’m uncomfortable. I love peaches and mangos.
I like rude people, loud noises, and the smell of gasoline stations.
Some of the best decisions I’ve made were the ones I did in total disregard of the consequences.
I wake up to eyeliner and lipstick marks on my pillow because I’m too lazy to take off my makeup at night. I sometimes leave a post-it on someones car telling them to have a good day when I’m having the worst.
Love is such a nice word. It makes me feel happy :) the word “supposedly” has a nice ring to it too, I feel as if I’m using my whole mouth just saying it.
Books take me to places that don’t exist on maps. They’re my getaway when I’m feeling vulnerable and alone.
I don’t understand how I still have a job after being such an obnoxious cunt to so many customers… I only do it when I feel I’m being disrespected though, not saying it’s a good excuse, it just happens.
I like talking about sex at inappropriate times and I yell when shushed.
I’m a dreamer but also the biggest procrastinator on the planet. I like watching cheesy movies and incorporating them to reality because they make life that much greater. I trip on my own feet sometimes and get up on my own because I want to see if I could do it.
I constantly have to be reminded of things and have repeated that I do exist to someone. 
I eat my pizza with ketchup and mustard.
I don’t have a point to anything, I’m just sayin’
-Nancy Love 

25.4.12

A love letter to Sweetheart...


 I enjoy days like these. The weather is so calm and soothing and for whatever reason I find it easier to think. 
     Finding someone who totally clicks with you is easy, but finding someone who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them… that’s rare.
     We hid from the crowd and gave love a whole new meaning. We’re not just another story to be told baby, we’re the story they yearn to hear. We play our tune, and I listen to you hum. The sweet melody of your voice ablaze’s my mind and suddenly I’m floating above the earth. I sit on the moon and watch the suns flames with wonderment. You float up with me and suddenly we’re laying in a field of stars. The world could only dream of a love like ours. It’s the kind of love that not even fairy tales can tell.
     I want you forever. We fight and argue. We dispute and drive each other insane at times, but we know how to work at it. We’re in this together, you and I.
     The world is our playground and you’re my partner in crime babe. I enjoy baking cookies with you, I like waking up next to you in the mornings and thinking “you need to brush your damn teeth…”, you make my days worth looking forward to amor. I love everything about your existence in my life… the weird faces you make at me behind my parents back while they talk to me, how you use the light saber to scare the birdies, how you scare the shit out of me pretending to trip when you walk in front of me, … all the little things you do to make me feel happy…
     I love you turd nugget <3 I truly feel that together we’re gonna get places. We push each other to strive for a better future and although times are tough right now, I promise we’ll get out of this shitty neighborhood and we won’t be scared to go for walks in fear of getting shot anymore. We’ll get a cozy apartment and see the world together. We’ll walk the streets of France hand in hand my love. Soon after we can get a big house of our own and start a beautiful family. We’ll raise our kids to be independent and teach them the value of their dreams. We can finally start a band and be like the Von Trapp family ^_^ (no not really). Years from now we’ll be just as happy as the first day we fell in love, I’ll be reading and making you tea, and you’ll be playing video games and taking pictures of our family. We’ll sit on the porch and color and have movie nights in our backyard with a projector. 
     My eyes go blind as my heart goes wild. You were my missing puzzle piece and now I feel complete. I swear I hear our hands lock into perfect place when our fingers intertwine. It’s a thrill thinking about being with you the rest of our lives, never a dull moment, always an adventure waiting to be explored… Like Freddy Rodriguez says in Planet Terror to Palomita “It’s two against the world”….
     P.S: Duck duck <3 Goose goose 
                    Yours truly,
                             Nancy Love

7.4.12

I Was Told By A Stranger...

I read with every broken heart we should become more adventurous

18.11.11

A want for freedom


     Crazy, beautiful, fucked up world we live in. Every news stand has articles on how someone got shot due to racism, how someone got arrested for standing up for their rights, undocumented students protesting for equality on their education, gays fighting for their right to get married, people wanting to stop the budget cuts and hoping our future generation has opportunity to progress.      
      It bums me out seeing that human beings have to fight for their freedom. It’s all business, but it has to be done and our voices have to be heard. With love, comes hate… if their were no hate, we wouldn’t be able to distinguish love. 


     Rape is a also a huge issue that crosses my mind… go fuck yourself! Don’t have sex with a person against their will, wether it be a man, woman, child, or simply an intoxicated person. I don’t care if you have a stupid fetish or you just “couldn’t help yourself”… THINK TWICE YOU FUCKTART. People are being dumped in trash bins, drowned in rivers, buried alive, cut into pieces, etc. etc. all because some stupid fuck wanted to jerk their dick off for a few seconds. Lousy sacs of shit need to regulate.
   Onto another topic…It kills me seeing homeless people asking for food, especially if I don’t have anything to offer them. I don’t, however, feel sorry for the ones that I catch talking on a cell phone or buying cigarettes and booze. It’s like ‘dude! you could’ve saved that money to feed buy food!’
     Better yourself. Seek opportunities and strive to get to where you want to be. If you don’t have a job and need money, recycle or make little things you could possibly sell. There’s always a way… There was a guy named Elian who came from Argentina with his acoustic-electric guitar and played down at Santa Monica pier every summer, one night my friend and I decided to dance to his music… little by little a crowd started to gather and some even joined in and danced as well. At the end of his performance he got a bunch of tips in his guitar case and he gave my friend and I $5 each and one of his CDs worth $15… we gave his money back (because really, we were just dancing for our benefit) and kept the CDs. 
     Live for a better tomorrow… make some memories. 
     I don’t regret doing half the stupid shit I’ve done in my past, because in all honesty… those are the moments I remember best and laugh on today.
     I have my “someday I will…” list. I’m always saying how “I wish this..” and how “I wish that…”. I’ve decided to put a stop to this nonsense of mine and act on it instead. Like for instance…  Someday I will…
  • publish my own article 
  • learn to play chess 
  • start my own band
  • brew my own beer
  • go skinny dipping at midnight in France, etc. etc.
Things like that…  
     I’m signing off for now
 Ps: All photographs were taken by me :)



22.10.11

Wonderful


     I made this video for my friend Ruben who lives in San Francisco. He's the biggest Lady Gaga fan I know and he chose the song "Wonderful" for his video... this video mainly consists of parts of Los Angeles and my family and friends... the cartoon is called Bongo and it's a story played in the disney movie Fun and Fancy Free <3 

20.6.11

"Quote Of The Week"


"BELIEVE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE IMPOSSIBLE TO FAIL" -Charles F. Kettering

13.6.11

I'm Back Baby

NancyLove
  

     We were young and stupid. Full of life and not giving a shit about anything or anyone. The times where nights seemed endless and cigarettes were illegal for us.
     You took out a pipe and introduced me to another world... one that was non-existant to me. You looked into my eyes, softly caressed the hair away from my cheek and said "take a hit my darling, you're gonna feel groovy". 
     The world spun in circles around me, and the floor was fifty feet below my waist. The air became thick and musty; my throat dry. The things I've seen will chase me to the grave. I developed skills no one's ever heard of. Fetching sunflowers with your hands tied. My body went numb; I closed my eyes and I was four years old again. I saw my mother smiling at me while she gestured for me to come. My visions were on mute but the music from the gig played in the background. She was wearing her cherry red lipstick, white top, and red skirt. I blinked my eye-lids and I was in a different room. I saw my cousins playing and sharing laughter. My aunt then left to pick up the older kids from school and left me and my little cousin Mary in the apartment with a man named Thomas that comes by to chat every once in a while. He looked at me and told me I was a pretty little girl with dark brown hair and big brown eyes, he said "get closer so could see them in the sunlight." I obeyed.... He then then told me to give him a kiss on the lips to make him smile. I felt my cheeks burn and my body go stiff; I didn't want to do it. He brought me closer and forced the taste of my lips onto his. Tears streamed down my eyes. He didn't care. He then held my hand and walked me into the bedroom where Mary was sleeping. He pulled down my pants then told me he was going to pull down his and that we were going to dance. He pulled out his penis and placed it between my legs without inserting me. He swayed me slowly side to side while he caressed my feeble body. I told him I felt sad because Momma told me not to let anyone touch me like that and I felt like I had disobeyed her. He told me not to tell anyone because it will make momma angry. He then went into the bathroom and jerked himself off.
     Scum bastard. 
     I regained my conscious and tears ran down my cheek. Sweetheart shook me and asked me what was wrong. I told him it was the drugs fucking with my emotions is all. 
     I still remember the day after the incident; father was driving me back to my aunts so she could babysit me for the day once again. I began to throw a tantrum, he asked me why I didn't want to go and I told him I saw Thomas' private area and that I was feeling horrible. My father got angry and yelled at me assuming I had gone into the bathroom without knocking. I told him that Thomas had shown it to me; father rolled his eyes and told me to stop lying because liars get punished. 
     I couldn't believe that my own flesh and blood defended that poor excuse of a man. I dropped it and never spoke of it again. 
     Second grade approached and I asked momma how babies where made. She explained the process in minor details and it took me a while to get my words together and then I (a seven year old kid who didn't know the time it took to actually grow a baby) finally confessed that I was pregnant. She asked me why I thought so and I explained to her what had happened three years ago. She started to cry deliriously and called my aunt on the phone. I sat in a corner of the room while I listened to her cursing on the phone for letting a stranger look after us. The news got to my dad; he was the angriest I have ever seen him. He went to the apartment where the man lived and banged on the door like a mad man, he was going to kill him. He told me he was, but by then the man had fled and was never heard from again.
     He haunts my dreams sometimes you know... There's been several nights where I see him walking at night in search for me. He hovers over me and stands in the shadows watching me as I sleep. I wake up shaking and my body feels cold. This anguish I feel is stuck with me and I can't seem to let it go.

      I feel like yelling, painting. I want to try new things... and I'm very disappointed in myself… I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I can't help and notice my peers getting somewhere and I just feel stuck… yes I'm going to school and working and yes I don't live with my parents but I can't help but feel the way I do…. I thirst for new experiences, something different for a change. I would like to turn those "I want's" into "I am". I just can't seem to push myself to doing so. I don't know who I am anymore :/
     My friend Sammy told me "there's a difference between BEING alone and feeling lonely". And even though I have Georgie, my family and people that I talk to; I feel so alone; I'm lost and I can't find my place. I need help finding out where I belong. IF I belong that is. I'm a pretty random miss and get easily sick of routine so there's probably no particular place for me to stay permanently. I'm in search for a new revolution and all it's vices.
     I fear the thoughts that run through my mind. Malice, poverty, love... I can't pinpoint what I see... Sometimes I think I might have Dysthymia. I feel I need help... it's an ongoing battle with myself, but I'm not sure if talking to a stranger or taking medication would make things any better aside from me not existing as a person but rather an observation. 
     I have to learn to cope with life once again. I have fallen many times and I'm trying to find ways to overcome these obstacles because going around them won't make them go away. Gahhh... Shenanigans of mine. None of it makes sense... so why am I being like this.
You are the person I trusted most in the world. You always comforted me in ways no one else did. I'm glad we're still good friends. We made a promise when we were 12 and till this day you've kept it. I wish you knew what's become of me. I wonder if you would be proud or disappointed.

4.3.11

Curious Kat

Las Vegas: There was this big sign that said REVOLUTION I used the EVOL and flipped it <3 lol
    
     Curiosity killed the cat... did the surprise really bring him back??... I was thinking about everything that happened last year (2010) the thing that changed me the most was falling in love... pretty cheesy huh?? How do I know I'm in love?  well for many reason and no legit reason at all... this is where I begin to rant...  is it possible to fall in love at age 12?? perhaps it's what grown ups called "puppy love"?? what's the meaning of that phrase anyway?? Well whatever it may mean, this kiid drove me crazy. He was full of life and always had a story to tell... He never made me feel like I might lose him to another girl, or he would always make me number one on his "list". My family always told me "Family Comes First"... but to us, this "love" was so real that our "family" came second and "we" came first, because we so strongly believed that in the future "we" were going to be all we really needed.
     My dad put him through a lot of shit I might add, being that he was my first official boyfriend and all so of course he was going to take advantage of the opportunity.
     I realize that many of my blogs are usually about my reminiscing. Oh gosh, I don't know where to go with this... Sometimes I miss that thrill of "not wanting to get caught by my parents". I'm 20 years old!!! Is that part of my life really over?? There are many times where I just want to rebel against myself; do things I would never do, take an effect on people, and just cause destruction all around. I didn't date a lot and I've only ever had 4 boyfriends in the past. I'm really okay with that; if anything I want to keep that number as low as possible.
     I do believe in the "one guy, one girl" thing (or if your gay then one guy one guy one girl one girl haha). I miss endless mornings talking about nonsense; not having to worry about work the next day, or that you're getting no where in life.
     I don't know... something just doesn't feel right. I have my up's and my downs, but this.. this feels different. Can guys and girls ever be "friends" once they've been a "couple". On some level I think it's possible, but there's always that HISTORY between you, sometimes you can't help but bring it up, and look back and smile at what once was. I suppose there's no harm in that.. or is there?? would it be like having a spark and the possibility of starting a fire up?? Not if you're IN love though right?? Should it be that if you're IN love that it shouldn't matter what or whom tries to come between you, because regardless, you can overcome ANY obstacle.
     I believe so <3 

17.2.11

The Red Head

Nancy Love Photography

     This red head is on a mission to better herself; enough with bull shit, it comes and goes. I started school this past monday, I quit my pathetic job, and as you can see... I went Red. My situation now is looking for a part-time job and figuring out how I will be paying for rent and gas. Fuck. On the bright side... well I'm not sure what the bright side is just yet. I've been in the mood to take a train somewhere.. just for a day. I would like to meet beautiful strangers that I could call friends. I'm trying to get into photography like I was before; work drained me, I felt my mind go into that numb stage when you're drunk. 

I'm born again. I can breathe a little. Life is my instrument... all I have to do... is play. 



10.12.10

Ridiculous Me

Nancy Love Photography
     
     I close my eyes and imagine that everything I would like to be true... is... 
     I open them and receive a kiss from my dearest friend Reality... she says to me "Sweetheart.. that world doesn't exists in anyones else's eyes but yours... n that's what makes you.. you. It's not a horrible thing to dream and hope, if anything it's those thoughts that keep you from going mad." 
     I sometimes hate being a girl... especially in my shoes. I'm a hopelessly romantic fuck. I want the fairy tale that isn't real. I'm the type of person that thinks but never speaks up for herself. I'm too much of a push over sometimes and I hate that people take advantage of it... Inconsiderate people know how to push my buttons. 
     Realize that everything is changing Nancy Love... stop trying to make things what they use to be... it's not going to happen. It's either gonna get better or worse. You're happy place no longer exists. You have to start again and find yourself.
     I crave this constant need for attention. I don't know what kind of attention though.. it varies in most cases I suppose. To be hugged and smiled at, feeling wanted and not just there. To be looked at as a someone and not as a no-one. Not having that feeling of being ignored from the people you feel give a fuck. 
     Excuse my being melodramatic. 
     My mind won't let me rest and I believe it is the reason why I haven't been myself.

Closed Walls

  
 I need to get out of this place. I really do... I feel as if I'm suffocating and no one can hear me scream. It's the same story everyday. I wish for change yet I do nothing about it?
     I think I need that push. This lousy job is what's keeping me stable for the time being.. but it's also the place where I'm wasting most of my days in. I don't get to enjoy the day; except from behind a double glass that's cemented shut to the walls.
     I keep having weird nightmares and waking up shaking.. two of the times I woke Georgie up.. we've been sleeping away from each other lately so it's a good thing he doesn't wake up.. I hate bothering him with nonsense shit... he's been stressing out and so have I.. about different things.. but even then so it's been getting to us both... sigh*
     What to do, what to do!! 
     I've been thinking of things we can do to keep our creative minds busy and set aside all the work we HAVE to do for a bit.. seems as if all we're striving for is a difference. 
"You must be the change you seek" -Gandhi

29.11.10

She Who Shall Not Be Named...

Georgie and Nancy photo-shoot

The title catches your eye doesn't it.. kinda reminds me of HP Lord Voldemort or however his name is spelled.
     Apparently I can't let this whole situation go. I can't tell you in person because I fear I will cross the line and put you in your place. I hate the person you are.. I really do.. and what sucks for me is that there is only one other person on this earth that I hate.. and I don't hate easily. I wish you would leave us alone. Just go on about your life and let us live ours, we have a home together. We've shared laughs and tears, none of them involving you. You bother me because you keep coming back. The thought of you grosses me out and although you might have "grown-up" and "changed"; you're still the person who caused my heartache; to me that crosses the line; making you a wretched person. What did I say you were before? Oh yes, right, a Home-wrecking Scum bag in human form.  I wish Sweetheart would understand. He hasn't really told me what his opinion is on this whole thing.. Just kinda blows it off n says he loves me... but does he really want you out of the picture?? I don't know. He likes talking to you, I know that. I wish he would stop talking to you because he wants to and not because he feels he has to. You're mind-fucking him all the time. Just go away.. I don't mind him speaking with other women, it's just You that I mind. Me and him are stronger because of you and for that I thank you. I know it "doesn't" matter anymore, but if it's bothering me this much then yes.. it does matter. You keep coming back like a Chihuahua who won't stop humping our leg.

     I've been in love once, I'll say it a million times.. but if it's possible; I feel I love Sweetheart more than ever,  {[at this point I walked into Borders Book Store and started talking things over with Georgie]} more than mother. Maybe... <<-- (that part was him being silly) Actually yes I believe so.. in fact I love them both the same but in VERY DIFFERENT ways..

Totally out of proportion =P My conversation with Georgie began and we started typing back and forth to each other even though we were sitting right across the table from one another <3


Nancy: "Gosh... I'm sorry I overreacted and became a Loon.. I shouldn't have but it's the only way to move on and be US again.. get it??"

Georgie: "So the only way to get through this is for you to go crazy??"

Nancy: " Yes. Well.... on some occasions.. I didn't want a little green monster eating up our relationship.. IT did once before and I just couldn't let it happen again.. In a way it's like those random times when you just BLOW UP out of no where and leave me all confused.. and little by little you begin to tell me what's bothering you. I'm slightly different than most ladies, so if I get all crazy, it's only because I care and believe that we have something good going here with us,  just try to keep up. "

Georgie: "Well gosh it sometimes puts us in a rut and I don't want to be those couples that have lame arguments that could have been handled out in a much better way. I only say that  because I felt like I was back in high school and that frustrated me a lot and made me get impatient with you. I understand you hate her so so much, but you only let her win when we're both going down in flames. Lets forget about her please and go on without her being brought up. If she tries to get our attention again, we'll ignore her. I'm sorry I don't do the right thing all the time."

Nancy: " Yes I agree it does put us into a rut, I've never been one to argue, you know that.. how do you think it could've been handled in a different way?? If I ignored it then WE wouldn't be ok and therefor ended badly.. That's why I didn't act upon her stupidity when she ran out of the gym like a pathetic hyena and grabbed your ass then was cowardly enough to surpass my presence, disrespecting me in front of you, yet I did nothing; I did nothing because I am the bigger person here.. If I would've, then it would've brought me down to her level. But I didn't ... I talked it over with you instead.. it's my way of handling things... Babe I don't expect you to be perfect and DO the right thing all the time.. if anything it's you're imperfections that draw me closer to you <3 the past is the past and there's nothing you nor I can do about it... but since she is "present" I let it get to me.. I shouldn't have but it did.. I'm human.. and you have to try and understand where I'm coming from; just put yourself in my shoes.. You did nothing wrong, but you didn't consider the situation a problem either.. I'll drop it.. and you know I mean it when I say.. I promise. Just as long as she doesn't get involved anymore, everything will be good in my book..... Yes?"

Georgie: "Yes."

Nancy: "Do you believe me?" (I only ask this because you're making a face)

Georgie: "Yes, yes I do. Can we talk to each other like normal people now? We're only 2 feet away from each other."

Nancy: Yea lol

"I love you.."

"I love you more ;] "

PS to my Readers: I'm better at writing down what's on my mind, so Georgie figured that by having this "conversation" it would help our little dispute.

18.11.10

Spectacular Mornings

video
     
I thought I'd share this... Georgie made this video because I mentioned to him that I could never see the sun rise from my window. He set his camera to take a picture ever few seconds and put them together to make this. I'm not sure who the song is by. If you want to know just ask me and i'll find out <3

16.11.10

Just another thought...

Georgie n I at Macy Park
     We met on a tragic day.
     Justin had passed away from cancer just a few days prior to our knowledge of each others existence. I will always remember that day. I was sitting on a bench outside wearing a black dress a little above my knee with heels as high as I could take. I couldn't believe he was actually gone; never feeling the warmth of his hugs for the last time or encountering his smile as we walked into the room that he filled with laughter and happiness.
     My skin was as pale as a winter itself and my lips red as wine. Marco and Andrew approached me and brought along a friend. He was introduced to me as George; this scrawny boy with long hair who couldn't keep himself still.
     We all laughed and caught up with each others lives; and just like that... the night ended.
     A year passed and Aerial was having a kick back gathering for her birthday. Her intentions where to "hook" me up with a friend of her boyfriends who had apparently been wanting to meet me. I don't praise myself as a piece of meat to be shared with just anybody. I wanted to hang out with someone... different. No one that I usually hang out with. I came across Georgies number and asked this particular guy whom I've been speaking with through text what he was doing. We ended up meeting that night for the first time since Justins wake and spent all morning till about 5am in the car listening to tunes and getting to know about each other. After that morning we started hanging out more and more. 
     I miss our carefree outings when we'll just hang out at Macy Park, lay on a sheet and ramble about everything and nothing all in one. We made photography happen. He taught me how to love Rock Band and we soon became two nerds who spent most of their evenings playing and singing cover songs.
     Although everything now is great. It seems as if reality has slapped us in the face and told us GROW UP or you'll be fucked. There's nothing wrong with growing up but I'm only 20 years old. I feel like I'm 60 sometimes. I'm tired and all I want to do is curl up into a little ball, put on my cool socks, blast my ipod, and read my book under a yellow umbrella (an ACTUAL umbrella, yes it makes me feel better). 


     Oh father time if you could just hold still... just for a moment.