A Letter to Sweetheart

I'm shattered and broken... empty and hollow in every possible way you can think of... I feel like I lost my meaning and sense of morality.. Excruciating pain, more than I can take, my body won't stop trembling, and my veins boil with sadness. I can't breathe and I'm fighting all of my instincts to not hurt. I'm trying to think beautiful and happy, but it's nearly impossible. What is a purpose if everything you've ever believed in is taken from you? 
     I'll never forget last night. The way you looked, the way you moved, how your lips pressed against my temple and moved their way to my lips, the way your arms felt wrapped around me so secure and promising. I didn't want to leave you, that last hug meant the world to me... You always had a way to make me smile, you always looked at the positive side of things. I'll keep you in my heart forever, and although you will not be with me physically, I'll take you with me wherever I may go, I'll think of you and I'll stick the labels of new movies in random places of the house.. Just know I love you sweetheart, maybe right now isn't our time, maybe it'll be in a few years, or maybe it just wasn't meant to be, regardless, I don't regret anything that happened between us, we shared a love that we'll carry with us for the rest of our lives, we lived, you and I. We're going to be great people who do great things. Remember that what matters most is our self-happiness, without it, our worlds will fall apart and those that we love will be affected by it. Be you, be lovely, be free, be happy. We came into this world on our own and we're leaving it just the same, have adventures and make memories because in the end that's all you'll take with you, the destination isn't what matters most, it's what you do to get there that counts. I wonder if you'll ever read this... right now we're taking the time to find ourselves again... we may not speak, it's agonizing pain to live without you, but eventually, sometime in the future, we'll talk again, and I'll smile at you and remember our life together... this isn't goodbye, just a "see you later". Till we meet again love...

I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
” —Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers

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