Ridiculous Me

Nancy Love Photography

     
     I close my eyes and imagine that everything I would like to be true... is... 

     I open them and receive a kiss from my dearest friend Reality... she says to me "Sweetheart.. that world doesn't exists in anyones else's eyes but yours... n that's what makes you.. you. It's not a horrible thing to dream and hope, if anything it's those thoughts that keep you from going mad." 

     I sometimes hate being a girl... especially in my shoes. I'm a hopelessly romantic fuck. I want the fairy tale that isn't real. I'm the type of person that thinks but never speaks up for herself. I'm too much of a push over sometimes and I hate that people take advantage of it... Inconsiderate people know how to push my buttons. 

     Realize that everything is changing Nancy Love... stop trying to make things what they use to be... it's not going to happen. It's either gonna get better or worse. You're happy place no longer exists. You have to start again and find yourself.

     I crave this constant need for attention. I don't know what kind of attention though.. it varies in most cases I suppose. To be hugged and smiled at, feeling wanted and not just there. To be looked at as a someone and not as a no-one. Not having that feeling of being ignored from the people you feel give a fuck. 
     Excuse my being melodramatic. 
     My mind won't let me rest and I believe it is the reason why I haven't been myself.

Closed Walls

  
 I need to get out of this place. I really do... I feel as if I'm suffocating and no one can hear me scream. It's the same story everyday. I wish for change yet I do nothing about it?
     I think I need that push. This lousy job is what's keeping me stable for the time being.. but it's also the place where I'm wasting most of my days in. I don't get to enjoy the day; except from behind a double glass that's cemented shut to the walls.
     I keep having weird nightmares and waking up shaking.. two of the times I woke Georgie up.. we've been sleeping away from each other lately so it's a good thing he doesn't wake up.. I hate bothering him with nonsense shit... he's been stressing out and so have I.. about different things.. but even then so it's been getting to us both... sigh*
     What to do, what to do!! 
     I've been thinking of things we can do to keep our creative minds busy and set aside all the work we HAVE to do for a bit.. seems as if all we're striving for is a difference. 

"You must be the change you seek" -Gandhi