Melancholy Day

 I didn't go to work today.. I feel sad.. I suppose it was about time I broke down.. Keeping my head up always helped, but putting on a mask of happiness just made me bottle everything in.. I don't know who I am anymore.. I use to be this girl who had something to look forward to, and now is just lost.. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for .. or if I'm looking for anything at all.. memories of my past haunt my everyday life.. like a beautiful lullaby with a sad melody painted across a midnight purple sky..
I've fallen once again and I don't know how to get up and start walking again.. My heart is barely breathing.. I wish there was someone I could just talk to.. I use to be so strong and independent.. today I feel weak and pathetic.. the thing is nothing tragic happened.. I just woke up feeling sad and I'm not sure why.. I decided to write what is on my mind and perhaps it will give me some clue..

     I was remembering the nights when we use to lay in the middle of the street listening to Billie Holiday, when you would fiddle playing acoustic songs on the guitar, I remember we would play in the jungle gym and stay on the swings until 3am talking about philosophy, the moon, the rocks, the stars.. we invented a language that only we two understood..

I received a message from a friend today.. she said that when she saw me yesterday I looked pale and thin.. my peers have been telling me that I don't seem to be as enthusiastic as I once was about life and beauty.. my mother says I seem to have a different smile.. I feel the same.. 

 Georgie is my everything.. He truly is..  I think he's the only person on this earth that can make me smile in an instant without even trying.. I don't like talking to him about my being melancholy because it breaks my heart to see him sad..

I have many friends but it's hard to really distinguish which ones are true and which ones will leave..

I was reminiscing on old photographs and came across a picture of me and Justin (rip) in line for a Gravy Train show.. gosh I miss him dearly..  because of him Georgie and I are where we are today.. he was a rock star in my eyes.. you should really hear him sing Voice of an Angel =) 

Theres a book that came to mind just now.. its called "Paint Me like I Am" and its by various poetry writers from around the world, I recommend reading it from beginning to end.. Im sure you'll find a poem that suits you perfectly.. mine is 'paint me like I am' .. I love how the poem ends.. anyways I'm signing off for now.. I need an adventure.. -Nancy Love


  1. hi nancy, i know how you feel, and it really is hard, but i realized that no matter what happens the world will still continue revolving around the sun, that no matter how many times we fall and no matter how painful things might be, we still have no choice but to continue living. Things today might not be great as things are yesterday but we will never know what we might find tomorrow if we will not go for it. I know the pain, that its as if there is a hole in your heart that aches in every beat of it, it could be so painful that we might just want to give up everything just to get rid of that pain, but its not all that there is.. i guess.. at least that is what they said.. i haven't really found it out yet. sometime we will.. smile..

  2. I'm reading this 3 wks later.. i hope you feel happier and that the feelings of blah have gone down into some sidewalk crack.. you are a beautiful young woman with talent and i think I'll nickname you Jazzy... anyone who likes Miss Holiday, well.....