I didn't go to work today.. I feel sad.. I suppose it was about time I broke down.. Keeping my head up always helped, but putting on a mask of happiness just made me bottle everything in.. I don't know who I am anymore.. I use to be this girl who had something to look forward to, and now is just lost.. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for .. or if I'm looking for anything at all.. memories of my past haunt my everyday life.. like a beautiful lullaby with a sad melody painted across a midnight purple sky..
I've fallen once again and I don't know how to get up and start walking again.. My heart is barely breathing.. I wish there was someone I could just talk to.. I use to be so strong and independent.. today I feel weak and pathetic.. the thing is nothing tragic happened.. I just woke up feeling sad and I'm not sure why.. I decided to write what is on my mind and perhaps it will give me some clue..
I was remembering the nights when we use to lay in the middle of the street listening to Billie Holiday, when you would fiddle playing acoustic songs on the guitar, I remember we would play in the jungle gym and stay on the swings until 3am talking about philosophy, the moon, the rocks, the stars.. we invented a language that only we two understood..
I received a message from a friend today.. she said that when she saw me yesterday I looked pale and thin.. my peers have been telling me that I don't seem to be as enthusiastic as I once was about life and beauty.. my mother says I seem to have a different smile.. I feel the same..
Georgie is my everything.. He truly is.. I think he's the only person on this earth that can make me smile in an instant without even trying.. I don't like talking to him about my being melancholy because it breaks my heart to see him sad..
I have many friends but it's hard to really distinguish which ones are true and which ones will leave..
I was reminiscing on old photographs and came across a picture of me and Justin (rip) in line for a Gravy Train show.. gosh I miss him dearly.. because of him Georgie and I are where we are today.. he was a rock star in my eyes.. you should really hear him sing Voice of an Angel =)
Theres a book that came to mind just now.. its called "Paint Me like I Am" and its by various poetry writers from around the world, I recommend reading it from beginning to end.. Im sure you'll find a poem that suits you perfectly.. mine is 'paint me like I am' .. I love how the poem ends.. anyways I'm signing off for now.. I need an adventure.. -Nancy Love