Reminiscing

Nancy Love Photography

     I've been in what I call "love-dovey" mode.. To be honest I can't help but hate it!
     Today I walked into work to find 3 weeks worth of filing on my fucking desk! Apparently my manager decided to keep them and revise them at "his" time and dump the load on me today! Ughhh I was so pissed... Lucky for me my co-worker Kathy decided to give me a helping hand. What does this have to do with what is on my mind? Nothing and everything all in one pretty much..
     I was remembering earlier today an observation I had while waiting for the subway on my way to the Hollywood Christmas Parade last year... the crisp smell of fall and a light yet very cold breeze that wept throughout the underground tunnels that ran the subway. I remember glancing over to see a man asking for money.. going from person to person.. ripped dirt-stained jeans and a jacket so thick it made his feeble body look buff. He approached me and asked if he I could spare him some change or some food.. I searched quickly in my bag for something to give him and came out empty handed.... when I looked up at him I saw the hunger in his eyes.. I ached with compassion for him.. and the fact that I didn't have any loose change killed me because I didn't want to be another face that just surpassed him with bull shit about not having money in my bag. I know there are many homeless out there.. but I happen to stumble upon this one and the look in his eyes just stabbed me with sadness.. Have you ever looked into someones eyes and in some way felt like you knew them without actually meeting them first?? 
     I was tripping out at all the thoughts that we're running through my head as I looked into his eyes.. the things he must've gone though.. what lurks in the night that we do not see whilst we sleep in our beds.. the feeling of gratitude when given a taste of a bitten sandwich.. 
    If I would've hugged him he would have probably thought of me as a freak show and never approach girls who look like me... but I felt like just hugging him! Like a little girl who sees a sad kitty and just wants to take it home and nurture it.. I couldn't help but feel that way and it drove me crazy! I walked over to my mom and asked her if she wouldn't mind I give him her "sun-chips".. and so she handed them over and I gave them to him.. he took them, smiled, and walked away saying "god bless"
     I'm not much of a religious gal, nor am I against it.. But I took that as a Thank You.

He's hanging in there <3

    

You and I.

Georgie 

Listen.. Speak.. Fall in Love babe.. 
Fuck what people will think of you.. 
or me.. 
or us. 
In the end it's you and I.
We.. 
Not them. 
Let them be and do as they want to.
I'm in love with you.. 
Remember that always... 

and forever* =P

I am trouble..

PCC art wall <3

Friend: I'm curious to meet that side of you..

Nancy: You curious Kat! You're gonna get us into trouble..

Friend: Haha I think I'm just trouble in general..

Nancy: I love it..

Friend: Ima hot mess and you know it babe.. At the moment im dowsing in my own vices and I must say I love it too. You only live once babe. Fuck trouble and consequence... It's about time. We took a risk.. So we might as well take it together.


Nancy: Fuck I hate it when you're right...

Lesson learned from conversation: To just go with the flow. Life truly is about time and what you make of it....


Love -Nancy

Sleazy Kid

Ontario, CA, Rain.. Outside a Costco parking lot on my way to visit an old friend of mine from San Francisco.

A wonder found in one or many

Serenity frees the mind

and I slowly fall into something governed  by rules I cannot comprehend.

Just two fucked up minds living in oblivious

stuck between the vividness of love and friendship..

painting midnight purple skies with music,

that of Billie Holiday and Louis Armstrong.

Shared stories of beautiful sorrows and haunting lullabies

roaming the streets 

smelling of cheap perfume and cigarettes

rupture is what guides us,

nihilism our faith,

and our privilege finally rots our divinity.

Acoustic melodies and sweet kisses...

our story remains untold,

lost in the midst of the past..

Perhaps one day we will find each other again

or maybe we'll just smile from a distance

seeing what we have, and wondering what could have been.

Either way...

A part of me will always love this

Sleazy kid.

Insirpation

Budget cut's Rally in Downtown Los Angeles

I haven't written a blog in the longest! Everything so far has been madness.. in a good way though.. I need to organize myself and make time for the beautiful things.. Any recommendations on a good book? story? movie? article perhaps? I need a project <3

Melancholy Day

    
 I didn't go to work today.. I feel sad.. I suppose it was about time I broke down.. Keeping my head up always helped, but putting on a mask of happiness just made me bottle everything in.. I don't know who I am anymore.. I use to be this girl who had something to look forward to, and now is just lost.. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for .. or if I'm looking for anything at all.. memories of my past haunt my everyday life.. like a beautiful lullaby with a sad melody painted across a midnight purple sky..
I've fallen once again and I don't know how to get up and start walking again.. My heart is barely breathing.. I wish there was someone I could just talk to.. I use to be so strong and independent.. today I feel weak and pathetic.. the thing is nothing tragic happened.. I just woke up feeling sad and I'm not sure why.. I decided to write what is on my mind and perhaps it will give me some clue..


     I was remembering the nights when we use to lay in the middle of the street listening to Billie Holiday, when you would fiddle playing acoustic songs on the guitar, I remember we would play in the jungle gym and stay on the swings until 3am talking about philosophy, the moon, the rocks, the stars.. we invented a language that only we two understood..

I received a message from a friend today.. she said that when she saw me yesterday I looked pale and thin.. my peers have been telling me that I don't seem to be as enthusiastic as I once was about life and beauty.. my mother says I seem to have a different smile.. I feel the same.. 


 Georgie is my everything.. He truly is..  I think he's the only person on this earth that can make me smile in an instant without even trying.. I don't like talking to him about my being melancholy because it breaks my heart to see him sad..


I have many friends but it's hard to really distinguish which ones are true and which ones will leave..

I was reminiscing on old photographs and came across a picture of me and Justin (rip) in line for a Gravy Train show.. gosh I miss him dearly..  because of him Georgie and I are where we are today.. he was a rock star in my eyes.. you should really hear him sing Voice of an Angel =) 

Theres a book that came to mind just now.. its called "Paint Me like I Am" and its by various poetry writers from around the world, I recommend reading it from beginning to end.. Im sure you'll find a poem that suits you perfectly.. mine is 'paint me like I am' .. I love how the poem ends.. anyways I'm signing off for now.. I need an adventure.. -Nancy Love

Ramblings

Photograph: Nancy Love and Joe Angeles

Ramblings Ramblings Ramblings!!! This is me..  bored.. I don't know about other people but when I begin to laugh hysterically and not have a reason to, it usually means my mind has gone insane and that I'm bored out of my misery. I miss the days where I didn't have a care in the world.. my mind was so innocent and filled with mystical creatures far beyond imagination itself.. is it so that society brainwashes us to be a certain person.. i guess in someway Yes but I do believe that it is up to one self to choose a path.. gosh i miss being a kid.. playing with my friends and complaining about having to do my homework first, being able to spin and spin in circles until you feel the world turn upside down. Then I grew up.. little by little.. and im still in progress.. it's true what they say about "there's a first time for everything" and the beauty of that is that you're never going to have a "first time" of the same thing.. First time you had a best friend.. first time you scraped your knees.. first time you got caught doing something you weren't suppose to....

First time you fell in love..

Wether it was with a complete stranger or maybe even your best friend.. there's never going to be such a feeling as the first time itself...  -Nancy Love

Photograph taken in Sacramento at a rally for school funding

Las Vegas mannequins

Sometimes the beauty in this world can be disguised in costumes that we cannot create..only admire and fall in love with.

Photo: Nancy n Georgie at Sea World

And So I Fell...

Nancy_Love Photography

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry" -unknown

First time hanging out.. our main interest was photography so we had a photo session and this happened to be a random picture.. At the park.. there were ants on the floor!!! Eeeshk*

Oct 31,2009 Santa Monica Pier

Imancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind -Bob Marley

Live, Laugh, Love... it's beautiful

"Life is like photography, you gotta use the negatives to develope"
who is who and what is what if not sure and if so, how so?

I often ponder on whats real and whats not, if what's not real isn't really real then why does it exist in our minds? does that not make it real? just because something isn't there does that mean it's non-existant?

a child is filled with imagination and often see's the world for what it truly is.. I secretly think im a child trapped in my own body.. life is too beautiful to just let it surpass me.. but it can be just as cruel.. I often think about the strangest things in life and feel like an abnormal being towards society.. these so-called "blogs" that im typing up are just thoughts that run through my mind.. I find it it amazing how one can think of many things, type them up, and go back to reading what you were thinking about just 10 seconds ago.. in a sense it's like going back in time :)

I just recently started talking to my good old friend Ricky again and he was talking to me about how he missed our weird conversations, and i never thought of them as "weird"; just simply normal to me.. and I began to think about what it was that we use to talk about and I remember talking about buttons and how they're made, their purpose and use; how no one ever pays attention to the history behind the little things, and I am one to observe that of what no one else does; the backlight in reality.. I would bring up the string theory and how we are all just a bunch of cells and particles of atoms breathings for survival on this huge rock we call a 'planet', I don't have much to think about these days and i sometimes feel like my brain has given in to the rest of the world.. i know that all those questions and conversational topics are hidden in the back.. hmmm lets see.. The story of Bonnie and Clyde <3 that's often one of my favorites.. perhaps because it's a love story that i once fantasized about as an adolescent.. I hate that i'm a hopelessly romantic person.. I love being kissed and held by that one person that just makes you jump with excitement whenever you see them.. I reminisce on my past and how on wonderful it was to be a kid in love, laying down in the park picking flowers, observing people that looked funny, running into sprinklers in strangers' lawns, sneaking out at 2am on a school night just to be with them, holding up the line at photo booths just to take a whole bunch of pictures, taking long walks to places we've never been to, flipping mattresses in the middle of the street at midnight just to have the experience of laying down on a mattress outside.. listening to Billy Holiday and Louis Armstrong play on his trumpet, drawing cartoons of funny things in our notebooks, writing letters that were then hard to fold just to make them look cool, riding skateboards down to the riverbed, smoking blacks on the playground at 10pm, going on little adventures through down town LA, talking about cheesy love limericks and being a sucker for them... wow so much has happened its almost as if its all just a made up story in my head...

I met Georgie back in Feb 2008 at my friend Justin's wake.. I was introduced to him by some old friends of mine and thought nothing of it; just another person I meet.. a year later i was browsing through friends friends online and came across his picture and thought he looked familiar so i decided to re-introduce myself and just be another friendly face.. It's been 8 months now that we've been together, and we just fit! like when our hands come together they lock in perfect place, I without a doubt love this guy, and it sucks that he can never REALLY know how I feel about us, words just can't explain I guess, he drives me bonkers sometimes but like I said before.. "I love how you are my definition of love and all it's imperfections.. because perfect is just too pure.. and what is love if not madness of the heart" blahh okie maybe a little too cheesy, regardless of how it sounds it makes perfect sense to me, and he brings out the delirious lady inside of me.

I walked outside today and saw a flock of birds in the sky just roaming and flying so freely without stopping.. they looked so carless and radiant.. and i thought to myself.. 'here I am a person going to work and always complaining about how stress bring me down.. but truth is i only bring stress amongst myself, a friend of mine once said to me "Nancy... You don't HAVE TO do anything.. you do things out of necessity, no one makes you do things but yourself" and I'm one to always talk and dream about traveling and leaving California, just riding the rails to wherever they take me and start of fresh somewhere else.. and he told me "just do it Nancy" but it wasn't as easy as he made it sound.. I have my priorities here... ughh maybe I'm just over-thinking things.. it's okay.. my elders tell me "relax, you have time for that later, you have to start from the bottom up and build" but my question is... Do I?? Do I really have time later? I mean tomorrow isn't a for sure thing.. neither are plans.. I can only live off the present that by second is becoming my past.. but FUTURE?? it's not guaranteed.. I would love to live life everyday as if it where my last, but something always seems to get in the way.. now my only problem is learning how to overcome every obstacle that get's thrown at me, Ever since Justin past away I seem to have the James Dean saying "Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today" stuck in my head... I guess for now all I can manage to do is make the best of every moment despite how lame it may sometimes be, "Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out" -Jack Buck

Blog poem #1

If i could run away with you, I would, lost in the midst of nothingness is when i began to look for myself, I felt alone in a crowd of close loved ones, it didn't make sense to me that a person like you could exist and had been there all along yet we both had been blinded by sight, everything is as it should be, the heart has what it wants, the beauty of conceding vulnerability is knowing that something can be taken away just as easily as it was given, the thought of knowing that i exist in your eyes is exhilarating, remembering what we've gone through excites me and gives me high hopes for the future, I love how you are my definition of love and all it's imperfections.. because perfect is just too pure.. and what is love if not madness of the heart.. sing me a lullaby and paint it with colors of those that have yet to be discovered.. lets dance the night away and fly into a world of insanity where only we two exist and nothing else..

Ive always had a problem with writing; not so much the spelling part but more of a "what's-on-my-mind" sort of deal.
I figure that everyone at least once in their life stops to think "what is it exactly that I want to do?" not so much in the sense of career but more of a "life" dilemma to the point where your frustrated with routine and structure and just for once you want to get out and get a taste of what is considered liberty and freedom, to just be yourself without holding back, without having that conscious thought that what you're doing is bad or that you might regret it later.
It has come down to the point where we all talk about change; we want it; to see it, be apart of it. No one ever comes to conclude that we need to be the change we wish to see in the world, yes i know it sounds a little cliche but its a thought that haunts my everyday life; its brought up in school assignments, I see it on advertisements, its brought up in random conversations i have with my peers. We all long for it but as the saying goes 'actions speak louder than words' and i believe we could be those 'actions'.

Off the top of my head, since i was a child I've had a dream of becoming a professional ice skater. Throughout the years those dreams changed because i was introduced to a variety of opportunities. My mother always told me that she doesn't want me to be like her when i grow older; to hassle with work and rent. Shes the person that always gives me her hand when the rest of the world turns their back. I wish to make something out of my education and I truly believe that knowledge should be passed on and not just taught. For example: a n English teacher only teaching 'English' why not the history of English and all its aspects, or personal experiences that we can possibly reflect on. Goal: to make a difference for the better.

"Teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions" -Unknown